Recognizing and Correcting Frequent Missteps Toward the LGBTQIA+ Community
Mistakes happen, especially when people are learning about identities, language, and histories that differ from their own. But when those mistakes harm or exclude LGBTQIA+ people—whether intentionally or not—it’s important to notice, take responsibility, and change behavior. This article outlines common errors individuals, institutions, and allies make, explains why they matter, and offers practical steps to do better and build inclusive environments.
Why understanding mistakes matters
Misunderstandings and missteps can create barriers to safety, health care, employment, and community belonging for LGBTQIA+ people. Many mistakes are the result of outdated assumptions, lack of exposure, or unclear language. By identifying common patterns, we can replace harmful habits with intentionally inclusive practices that respect dignity and reduce microaggressions.
Ten common mistakes and how to fix them
1. Assuming everyone is cisgender and heterosexual
Why it’s harmful: Making heteronormative or cisnormative assumptions erases the existence of queer and trans people and can make them feel invisible or unsafe.
How to do better: Use neutral language until someone shares how they identify (for example, asking “Do you have a partner?” instead of “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”). Normalize inclusive options on forms, like adding “they/them” and providing a blank field for gender identity and pronouns.
2. Misgendering people or ignoring pronouns
Why it’s harmful: Using the wrong pronouns invalidates a person’s identity and can be a distressing reminder of exclusion or discrimination.
How to do better: Introduce your own pronouns in introductions, ask respectfully when unsure, and correct yourself quickly if you make a mistake. Create spaces where sharing pronouns is normal (e.g., email signatures, name tags) to reduce pressure on trans and non-binary people to be the only ones declaring their pronouns.
3. Treating sexuality or gender identity as a phase or choice
Why it’s harmful: Belittling someone’s identity as temporary or chosen invalidates lived experience and contributes to stigma that damages mental health.
How to do better: Accept people’s self-identification without interrogating or offering unsolicited theories about causes. If you’re curious, ask open-ended questions with sensitivity and only when appropriate.
4. Centring cisgender gay experiences as the default for the whole community
Why it’s harmful: The LGBTQIA+ umbrella includes lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, asexual, queer, and other identities. Elevating one narrative erases others—especially trans, bisexual, asexual, and intersex experiences.
How to do better: Read widely and listen to diverse voices within the community. When creating programs or advocacy, seek representation from the groups most affected by a specific issue rather than assuming one story fits all.
5. Using outdated or offensive language
Why it’s harmful: Words change over time; terms once used in clinical or casual contexts can now be derogatory. Inadvertent slurs or outdated labels can retraumatize people or signal ignorance.
How to do better: Keep language current by referring to reputable LGBTQIA+ organizations and community-driven resources. When unsure, ask what language someone prefers and be ready to apologize and update how you speak.
6. Expecting LGBTQIA+ people to educate you
Why it’s harmful: While many community members are generous with their knowledge, repeatedly asking them to teach about their identities places emotional labor on individuals rather than on those seeking to learn.
How to do better: Do your own research first—books, podcasts, reputable websites—and ask a person only for personal perspective, not to be your instructor. Invest in structured training for workplaces and institutions so the burden isn’t borne by marginalized employees.
7. Focusing solely on visibility without addressing policy or safety
Why it’s harmful: Pride events and representation matter, but visibility alone doesn’t solve systemic issues like discriminatory policies, lack of healthcare access, or violence against trans people.
How to do better: Pair visibility with meaningful policy changes: implement non-discrimination protections, ensure access to gender-affirming care, improve safety protocols, and allocate funding for community services.
8. Tokenizing LGBTQIA+ people in media and workplaces
Why it’s harmful: Including a single LGBTQIA+ character or employee as a symbol of diversity without real support or representation can feel performative and isolating.
How to do better: Commit to substantive inclusion—hire and promote LGBTQIA+ people, consult them in decision-making, and portray nuanced, realistic stories. Avoid using individuals as props for diversity marketing without structural change.
9. Ignoring intersectionality
Why it’s harmful: LGBTQIA+ people have multiple identities—race, religion, disability, socioeconomic status—that intersect and affect their experiences. Ignoring intersectionality flattens those realities and can lead to solutions that only help the most privileged.
How to do better: Center intersectional voices when designing programs, consider how policies impact different subgroups, and partner with organizations that serve multiply marginalized communities.
10. Dismissing microaggressions as “no big deal”
Why it’s harmful: Small slights—comments, jokes, or subtle exclusions—accumulate and contribute to hostile environments. When microaggressions are minimized, it signals that discomfort and harm are acceptable.
How to do better: Learn to recognize microaggressions and address them calmly: name the behavior, explain its impact, and offer an alternative. Encourage bystander intervention training and build workplace norms that reinforce accountability and repair.
Practical tips for allies and organizations
- Listen more than you speak: Center LGBTQIA+ voices and follow the lead of affected people.
- Make policies explicit: Update nondiscrimination, benefits, and restroom policies to explicitly include sexual orientation, gender identity, and expression.
- Create visible cues of inclusion: Pronoun practices, inclusive forms, and signage help people know your space is safe.
- Invest in training: Offer regular, mandatory education on LGBTQIA+ issues, intersectionality, and bias for staff and leadership.
- Support leadership and pathways: Sponsor mentorship and leadership programs for LGBTQIA+ people, especially from marginalized subgroups.
- Hold institutions accountable: Measure inclusion outcomes (retention, satisfaction, safety incidents) and act on data.
FAQ
Q: What if I make a mistake—how should I respond?
A: Apologize briefly, correct yourself, and move on. Don’t make the apology about your feelings or ask the harmed person to help you feel better. Use the moment as a chance to learn and adjust your behavior moving forward.
Q: How can workplaces reduce the burden on LGBTQIA+ employees to educate others?
A: Provide accessible resources, purchase expert-led trainings, create centralized educational libraries, and compensate LGBTQIA+ staff for extra DEI work rather than relying on their unpaid emotional labor.
Q: Are there reliable resources to learn more?
A: Yes—look for community-led organizations (local LGBTQ centers), national groups (such as PFLAG, The Trevor Project, Human Rights Campaign, and Transgender Law Center), and academic or medical institutions that publish up-to-date guides. Include queer voices across race, disability, and class in your reading list.
Conclusion: Commit to ongoing learning
Understanding and correcting common mistakes about the LGBTQIA+ community is not a one-time checklist but an ongoing commitment to humility, listening, and systemic change. Small shifts in language and behavior can reduce harm, but meaningful progress requires policy, representation, and resources. Whether you’re an individual, an employer, or a policymaker, aim to center dignity, follow community leadership, and build practices that keep evolving as language and needs change.
